Ever wonder why, in spite of your best efforts, the ice cream, pizza, and potato chips still seem to have you in their death grip?
Instead of eating the healthy salad and heading to the gym, you end up eating the fries and being the couch potato. You try, you work hard, you struggle, you even curse. But you still end up doing the same old things you swore you wouldn't do.
And as you tear out what's left of your hair, you find yourself asking for the umpteenth time…
Why Is It So !@#$%! Hard To Make Healthy Behavior Changes?
Could something as simple as the way we spell a word hold a hidden clue to why we have so much trouble making healthy behavior changes?
I had a fascinating new insight today when I reflected on the fact that one of my overseas clients spells a few words differently than I do. We had jokingly razzed each other several times in past about whose spelling was "right."
But I got to thinking (as I always seem to do) about the deeper implications, and I realized how persistently we work to maintain and even defend our childhood programming (regardless of whether it is helpful or harmful) with a virtual death grip -- simply because we believe it is "right."
Which made me ask myself: If we are so doggedly determined to hold on to our learned beliefs about the "right' way to spell simple words like color / colour and tires / tyres, just imagine how much more aggressively we will defend (and hang on to) our personal programming that deals with deeper / larger / more important issues.
It really doesn't matter whether we picked up a particular belief in early childhood or yesterday at lunch. Once it's "in there," it becomes "the truth."
Two Major Success Barriers You Really Need To Be Aware Of
What does this mean to us in our journey to become self-aware and to replace our own self-sabotaging program with something healthier? It means that we are up against two very obvious barriers to success (in addition to all the not-so-obvious ones).
First, we're firmly convince that our beliefs are *right* -- regardless of whether they actually are or not, and regardless of how helpful or destructive they may turn out to be.
Second, because they are *our* beliefs, we will fight to the death (our death, not theirs -- and sometimes literally) to defend and protect these beliefs, no matter how helpful or destructive they may actually turn out to be.
Bottom Line: Any learned beliefs, no matter how true or false, no matter how helpful or harmful, once adopted will be staunchly defended. Why? Simply because our fragile human egos can't bear to think that we made a mistake in adopting a belief -- any belief
As Always, The First Step Is Increased Self-Awareness
As such, we are programmed to resist replacing any existing belief with any new belief, no matter how dramatically that change could improve our lives. The only way around this barrier is to be willing to take a very conscious and objective look at any evidence that a belief is not serving us in a healthy way.
What would this "evidence" look like? It could be the stress we feel in the pit of our stomach, or the way our stomach hangs over our belt. It could be found in our feelings of persistent depression or consistent anger.
The most common evidence of unhealthy beliefs is poor self-care, which can show up in countless ways (most of them being visible in the mirror). But whatever the consequences our unhealthy beliefs, if we're ever going to correct them, we'll have to first become aware that we have them, and then understand how much damage they are doing.
The good news is that, once you're willing to do those two things, you open the door to an experience of life that's so much healthier and more enjoyable that, right now, you probably can't even imagine how much better it will be!
"Dr. Frank"
Dr. Frank B. Smoot, MA, DD
www.CoachFrankSmoot.com
